Honesty is the best policy, so they say. In this case I think "they" are absolutely right! We're living in a world where a lot of people are dependent on superficial elements to get what they want in relationships and business. People who will use whatever they have at their disposal in order to come out on top. The other side to that is there are people who put themselves out there in a genuine fashion, but get screwed because they were too trusting. There's nothing wrong with trusting someone new who may appear to have an interest in you personally or professionally. Unfortunately though, I've had more people come to me confused and fearful regarding the intentions of their potential partners. If you happen to be in a situation where you feel someone is trying to pull a fast one or you're worried that you could be overreacting, this article is for you.
The Lines of Omission
Is it really lying by omission or can leaving stuff out be a method of self-preservation? I think it can be a little bit of both. Depending on who you're dealing with, omitting pieces of information while describing a situation could in fact turn into a lie. If you tell a story to your lover about being at the bar and conveniently forget to mention a mild flirtation and then it comes out, your lover could possibly feel jilted and wonder, "If you can keep this kind of stuff from me, what else are you hiding?"
If you feel the need to keep things from your partner and you are fearful of their reaction, then you aren't truly comfortable with your relationship to begin with or you're up to no good. If you're really into that person, don't withhold any information. Most likely you're only going to create an unnecessary insecurity and that will make the situation worse.
A healthy relationship is one that allows both parties to be who they really are without feeling judged, fearful or insecure. Don't you want the love of your life to accept you as is? Okay, then don't project a false bravado or omit the truth...it always comes out in the end. If you aren't happy with someone who tends to lie by omission, it's best to check out of the relationship.
I Want To Believe Them, BUT...
I get a lot relationship questions from friends and clients. Most of them include the, I want to believe him/her, BUT... scenario. The issue is usually this: They say one thing, do another and make excuses for their behavior. I understand when feelings are involved, you may want to give the object of your affection a second, third or even a fourth chance to prove your gut instincts wrong.
The problem with giving all those chances and not seeing change is that you're the one who needs to make a change. You need to drop that person like yesterday's garbage and make yourself available for someone with pure intent and great follow-through. If all you seem to get from this person are broken promises, I can assure you that giving a fifth chance won't instantly transform your relationship. Only you know what works for you and what doesn't. If you're sticking with a person who is always letting or putting you down, understand that the cycle will most likely continue indefinitely.
Are you knee deep in someone's BS?
Below is a short list of guidelines to see if you're involved with someone who isn't who they portray themselves to be.
* They say one thing and do another
* The person may be too agreeable all the time
* When challenged, their body language shifts and/or gets real defensive
* They make excuses for their actions, never being accountable
* They can't keep their stories straight
* When confronted, they project the issue on to you
* He/she will leave out pieces of necessary info that would complete their story
* They always find a way to play the victim
* They make outlandish plans for your future together pre-maturely (the too good to be true façade)
* He/she carries a jealous, resentful and/or extremely fearful disposition
The Lines of Self-Sabotage
Sometimes we can misconstrue the behavior of people we're dealing with, whether emotionally or professionally involved. A lot of people feel the need to decipher their co-worker's intentions and come to a less than favorable conclusion. It's been happening a lot more these days. Feeling lost and insecure from time to time are natural things we all go through. We wouldn't be human if we didn't feel them, but this sort of negativity can eventually destroy the foundation built for success.
I truly believe in the Law of Attraction as I use it all the time and have experienced an array of outcomes. What you put out to the Universe does in fact come back to you, sometimes 10-fold. We can sabotage our work environment and relationships by assuming something is true when it's not and generally it's when we're being pessimistic. We can also sabotage our lives by believing a daydream without having a solid experience to back it up. By doing this, we can place all the real stuff on hold until we see the truth in the situation.
Are you overreacting to someone's behavior?
Check the list below to see if you might be sabotaging a potentially good relationship:
* You constantly question what's going on without concrete proof of wrong doing
* You need people to validate you all the time
* You're always wondering when the other shoe is going to drop due to past situations/fear
* You freak out when they don't call on time and even when they do, you berate them with questions
* You analyze people's motives when they make plans that don't include you
* You judge people based on their behavior in past relationships
* You take part in stalking tactics like breaking into email/voicemail or do drive by's
* If you are ex's getting back together, you hold the what went wrong stuff over their head
* It doesn’t take much to trigger jealousy and resentment
* You find manipulative ways to get what you want
The Real Deal
Trying to figure out whether or not someone is being truthful can be an adventure all on its own. One can fly from extreme highs to lows in a matter of hours while analyzing their situation. We can often brand ourselves victims once we get to the absolute truth…we knew he/she wasn't exactly forthcoming and honest from the very beginning. It's a hard pill to swallow, that's for sure!
I believe our emotions and egos have a tendency to cloud our judgment while going through the process. The key to making decisions that you can not only live with, but be happy with is to let go of the "what if" factor, anger, jealousy, resentment and fear. Don't beat yourself up for missing the truth. We all have our moments and we wouldn't be able to move forward without that tough lesson. Some people get it in a timely fashion and others need that extra kick in the pants to wake up. The most important thing to remember is this:
If you are honest with yourself, the answers to your most pressing questions can be found within.
Once you get to the heart of the matter, you need to accept what you're seeing, feeling and experiencing as the absolute truth and only then will you be able to take that leap into a future you can be proud of.